I write about the things I can’t stop thinking about, human behavior, psychological theories, and lessons from smart people. If you’re into that, it’s free to subscribe.
When "Hard Work" Is Just Avoidance
|
Hi friend I’ve been thinking a lot about what I’ve been avoiding lately. There’s a difference between doing hard things and doing the hard thing that actually changes you. For a long time, I’ve prided myself on doing hard things. Showing up. Training. Running. Pushing my body. I’ve told myself, “You did it again. You showed up for that 8-year-old version of you. You made him proud.” And that means something to me. But I’ve realized recently I’m not always being honest with myself. I’ve been using hard physical work as a hiding place. And I think some of you might be doing the same... just in different ways. For some people, it’s not the gym. It’s work. Logging extra hours, chasing another project, burning out in the name of productivity. For others, it’s school or certifications. Constantly studying, grinding, pursuing growth, yet still avoiding the real inner work or honest decisions they know they need to make. Sometimes it’s even cleaning, organizing, optimizing. Tidying everything around you to distract from the thing within you that feels chaotic. These all look like hard work—and they are. But they can still be an escape. The truth is: You don’t get results from the work you didn’t do. You’re exactly where you are based on the work you did or didn’t do. That doesn’t mean shame. It means ownership. Growth happens when you stop confusing familiar effort with real transformation. It means recognizing when you’re slipping into comfort, even if that comfort is disguised as discipline. For me, the actual hard thing isn’t training. It’s having the conversation I’ve been avoiding. It’s sitting still with a tough feeling. It’s reading the research article that’s been open in my tabs for two weeks. It’s facing what I’m underdeveloped in and doing something about it. Growth isn’t just doing hard things. It’s doing the thing that feels hard right now, not the thing you’ve already mastered. That’s where identity shifts happen. This isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about getting honest. Not out of guilt, but out of care for the version of you you’re becoming. So I’ll leave you with this: Where are you confusing familiar effort with real growth? What’s the actual hard thing you’ve been avoiding? If this made you pause, good. That’s the signal. Forward it to someone else who might need it too. Or reply and tell me the hard thing you’re finally going to face. I’ll hold you to it. Until next time, Much love, Calvin Share this article with your friends here. P.S - The next training cycle of PRFM opens up 2 weeks from today. Follow me on social: |
Letters
I write about the things I can’t stop thinking about, human behavior, psychological theories, and lessons from smart people. If you’re into that, it’s free to subscribe.
Episode 113: How to build a 2-3x/week full body workout program (Tap the image to listen) Hi friend, There’s a voice in your head that tells you I can’t do this. That says I’m not this person. I don’t believe in myself. That voice gets louder the more you let it sit in the driver’s seat. The more weight you give it, the more it becomes the default program running in the background of your mind. But here’s the truth: not every thought you have is real. Not every thought is true. And you don’t...
Hi friend, There is a part of your brain most people have never even heard of, but it might be the most important piece when it comes to willpower, resilience, and actually doing the things you keep saying you want to do. It is called the anterior mid cingulate cortex, or the AMCC. I think it's so cool because it gives us a physical anchor for something most people only talk about in motivational clichés. It is basically the spot in your brain that lights up when you are in the middle of...
Made you look...now you have to tap this image and listen to the podcast. Hi friend, If someone asked me how to change, how to build a new habit, how to stop sabotaging themselves, how to reach a new level in life, my first answer would be simple. Burn it down. Burn it all down. Burn down everything you once believed about yourself. Burn down the ceilings you put above your own head. Burn down the stories you inherited. Burn down the frameworks, the labels, the old narratives that keep you...