I write about the things I can’t stop thinking about, human behavior, psychological theories, and lessons from smart people. If you’re into that, it’s free to subscribe.
Why does change feel like self-punishment?
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Hi friend, You ever notice this? Sometimes when you're trying to take care of yourself or break a bad pattern, it feels like self-punishment. How strange that is. You’d think that choosing something better would feel good, right? But instead, it can feel like loss. Why? Because even if a behavior isn’t serving the version of you you want to be, it’s familiar. Comfortable. You know what to expect. Sure, you’ve thought about breaking the pattern. But actually doing it means stepping into uncertainty. And your mind doesn’t like uncertainty. That’s why choosing the better path can feel like punishment...even when it’s not. This is where courage comes in. Most people think courage looks like the movies, big, dramatic, bold. Like the person knows exactly what they’re doing. Like they’re infused with unstoppable belief and clarity. But in reality? Courage is quiet. Anticlimactic. You expect it to feel like a breakthrough, instead, it feels flat. Like you’re a kid, and a decision was made for you. And you want to rebel. But you don’t. And you have to make peace with that. This is what growth looks like. Recognizing the pattern you’re in. Pausing. Choosing. Intentionally, to do something different. Rarely does it feel like a cinematic moment where life changes forever. Most of the time, it feels empty. Just hard. Awkward. The noise is still there, you’re just choosing not to act on it. And hoping the volume turns down soon. Sometimes it even feels like you’re making things worse, because comfort is being stripped away, and your system resists the shift. But that small choice, that tiny turn of the wheel? That’s what changes your trajectory. Not today. Not tomorrow. But if you zoom out, weeks or months from now, you’ll be somewhere entirely new. That’s courage. Just choosing. Again and again, despite the discomfort. If you're in that space right now, and it feels anticlimactic, it's okay. This is what change feels like. Keep turning the wheel. Be brave. Until next time, Much love, Calvin Share this article with your friends here. P.S - Just booked some trips for the later half of the year. Let me be your bad influence. Book that plane ticket. Follow me on social: |
Letters
I write about the things I can’t stop thinking about, human behavior, psychological theories, and lessons from smart people. If you’re into that, it’s free to subscribe.
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