Hi friend,

I ran my first marathon last weekend.
No race bib. No medal. No crowd.
Just me, running loops around an apartment complex, past local businesses, and along a river trail.
5 hours. 31 minutes. 16 seconds.

It wasn’t fast. It wasn’t flashy.
But it meant something.

Not just because of the distance.
But because I did it.

The longest I’d ever run before this was 18 miles, just two weeks prior.
Less than two years ago, I’d never run more than a single mile at a time.
And I’ve had three surgeries on my left knee.

Going into this, I was under-recovered. More than I would’ve preferred.

Life stress had gone up.
I’d already pushed this marathon back twice.
And at some point, I just got tired of postponing it.
So I ran it. On my own. Last Sunday morning.

I had two goals:

1. Prove to myself that I could do it.
2. Build a stronger sense of belief in who I’m becoming.

There was one phrase I kept repeating the entire way:
​“You are hard to kill.”

I got it from DJ Shipley, former SEAL Team 6 operator turned business owner.
But the meaning behind it isn’t what you might expect.

It’s not about some hardcore military mindset.
There’s more nuance to it.

Let your words be hard to kill.
Your standards. Your identity. Your values.
The person you're becoming.

Be undeniable. Be unshakable, especially when it gets hard.

That was my compass during this run.
Because the thought of quitting was tempting.

I could’ve stopped at any point.
No one was watching.
No race-day pressure.
No money on the line.

But I would’ve known.
And that matters to me now more than ever.

There’s a psychological concept called “the man in the other room.”​
He’s the part of you that always knows.
The one who clears his throat when you don’t follow through.
He knows when you cut corners, even if no one else does.

He watches. He remembers.
And I would've been damned if I was going to hear that throat clear.

Not today.

I want my word to matter.
So I kept going.

Even when my left knee flared up.
Even when my right quad was on the verge of cramping 80% of the time.
Even when I had to keep stopping at my Jeep, my personal aid station, to reapply sunscreen, bug spray, grab gels, drink water, and just keep moving.

Even when no one would’ve blamed me for stopping.

Because I would’ve blamed me.

I want to live in a way where my word carries weight.
Something that feels lost these days.

I want to be a man who finishes what he starts.
Not just for others.
For myself.

I’ve spent enough time being the guy who doubted himself.
Said one thing. Did another.
Felt the weight of knowing I didn’t fully believe what I said.

That’s what finishing this marathon was about.

Sure, finishing at a specific time would’ve been cool.
But at the core, I wanted peace.

Peace in knowing I laid it all out.
That I showed up fully.
That I followed through.

So I’ll leave you with this:

Where in your life could you be just a little harder to kill?

Until next time,

Much love,

Calvin

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