The Art of Telling Your Brain to Calm the F*ck Down

Hi friends,

This past week, I’ve been stuck. Not just stuck, but fully immersed in a rut so deep it felt like I’d never climb out. Every thought, every interaction, every single thing around me seemed to reinforce one narrative: negativity.

My inner voice? It wasn’t kind. It wasn’t rational. It was mean, relentless, and almost eager to point out every flaw, failure, and imperfection. I was playing the victim card like a full-time job. And if I’m being honest, it sucked. A lot.

It made me think about how we, as humans, have this incredible ability to self-loathe. Almost as if we were designed for it. We fixate on the one criticism in a sea of praise.

We zero in on the mistake rather than celebrating the wins. It’s as though negativity is our default programming, our original source code. And maybe it is—an evolutionary holdover from when scanning for danger meant survival.

Our ancestors didn’t thrive because they paused to marvel at the beauty of a sunrise; they made it because they saw the lion crouching in the grass.

In today’s world, though, that negativity bias doesn’t keep us alive—it keeps us stuck. It turns every challenge into proof that we’re not good enough. It magnifies every shortcoming, blows every failure out of proportion, and leaves us with a lens that distorts reality into something far worse than it actually is.

So what do we do about it?

The Reframe: Shifting the Energy

Some people will say, "Just practice gratitude. Focus on the good." And while that advice works for some, I’ve always found it a little too abstract, a little too...detached from reality. When you’re in a rut, when you feel like you’ve failed and the world is against you, it’s hard to jump straight to gratitude. It feels forced. Fake. And sometimes, that just makes the spiral worse.

What does work for me, though, is reframing.

Reframing doesn’t mean slapping a smile on your face and pretending everything’s okay. It doesn’t mean denying the situation or magically fixing all your problems. It’s not about changing the reality you’re in—it’s about changing how you see it and, more importantly, how you show up in it.

Here’s an example:
Imagine it’s Saturday. You’ve spent the whole morning wallowing, scrolling, feeling like crap, telling yourself all the reasons why you’re failing at life. It’s 2 p.m., and you’re convinced the day is a write-off. But then, you pause and ask yourself: What can I do differently right now?

Maybe you can’t fix all your problems in a single afternoon. Maybe you can’t suddenly feel grateful for the mess you’re in. But you can change the energy. You can shift the momentum, even just slightly.

Maybe you decide to take your car to a car wash. Not because you’re overflowing with gratitude for the car, but because it’s something small that gives you a sense of accomplishment. Maybe you go for a walk, not to solve all your problems, but just to feel the sun on your face. Maybe you write down one thing you can finish today—just one—and then you do it.

It’s not about changing the whole story. It’s about lighting a match in the darkness. That one small shift—the car wash, the walk, the checklist item—creates a spark. And sometimes, that spark is enough to start the snowball.

Why the Reframe Matters

We can’t rewrite our evolutionary wiring. Negativity bias is always going to be there, lurking, ready to remind us of every mistake and failure. But we can decide not to let it control the narrative.

Reframing isn’t about pretending life is perfect—it’s about recognizing that even when things suck, you have the power to take one small step. You can’t always change your circumstances, but you can change the energy you bring to them.

So next time you’re in a rut, ask yourself:
What’s one thing I can do right now to shift the energy?

It doesn’t have to be life-changing. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be something.

And sometimes, that’s enough to keep going.

Until next time,

Much love,

Calvin

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P.S. - I’m a huge Marvel nerd. Captain America: Brave New World just dropped, so I’ll be going dark for the next week to dodge spoilers. Once I resurface, I’ll be sure to share my thoughts.